Copyright (c) 2007 Amuk Entertainment LLC http://www.raddadsworld.com Daily rules for men living the single life. 3/11/2010 12:58:39 AM 20 400 100 http://www.raddadsworld.com http://www.raddadsworld.com/images/TOTDImage.jpg The key here is the words "feel the need." Females get confused easily; we all know that. When your partner starts rambling on and on about things that, because of her gender, she just doesn't understand, resist the temptation to set her straight. If you say something like "Well, all you have to do is…" expect to spend some quality time in the doghouse. Remember, women talk about problems; men talk about solutions. http://www.raddadsworld.com Loan it to her and ask (with a straight face) if she enjoys romantic music. Later on you can break it to her that your favorite group is Black Sabbath. http://www.raddadsworld.com And if you feel motivated, you can kiss him too. I tried that approach with the author of the Harry Potter books. Later I explained to the judge that it was temporary insanity, and now I have a really cool restraining order with my name right next to hers! She's been a good sport about the whole misunderstanding, and as long as I stay at least 3 miles away from her, everything should be ok. http://www.raddadsworld.com In my misspent youth I once mistook a small round piece of cooked hamburger (about the size of a pea) for a piece of premium marijuana. I stuck it in a pipe, fired up my trusty Bic lighter, sucked on the pipe steam, and immediately realized I had made another mistake. You cannot smoke hamburger. If you try it, your lungs shut down for about 30 seconds. It's an absolutely horrifying situation. During the time when you cannot breathe, all the stupid things that you've done in your life, including this one, quickly pass before your eyes in very vivid colors and hues. I saw the colors, and I'm color blind! http://www.raddadsworld.com Unless you drown them in butter and smother them with cheese. http://www.raddadsworld.com Do not under any circumstances admit that you have keepsakes. Even if she admits she has hers, keep your lips together. If you admit you have some souvenirs, she'll find them and you'll be forced to explain each and every item over and over again. In the military they call it de-briefing. Pretty soon you start believing what they want you to believe. http://www.raddadsworld.com Make sure you make a point of this early, and if you see her again, remind her often. This little gem will get you off the hook time and time again. "I'm sorry honey, I must not have heard you. I'm a little hard of hearing, remember?" Most married men master this within the first year of their marriage. The earlier you start training her, the better. Remember, Noah built the ark before it started raining, not after. http://www.raddadsworld.com This is Karmic suicide. If you find yourself involved with a married woman, make sure that you don't kiss up to her husband as a way for you to get what you want. If the husband in question was a friend of yours before you met his wife, then don't start chasing after her. Remember, everything that goes around comes around. http://www.raddadsworld.com Please, guys, try to maintain your dignity. Take it from a guy who has done both: maintaining your cool is by far the best choice. And make sure you don't try to break up with her seconds after she dumped you. It's bad form. http://www.raddadsworld.com Then borrow it on nice days and take it for a walk at a busy park. Women are suckers for cute little dogs. Later, if she asks where the dog is, tell her it died, and then act real sad. http://www.raddadsworld.com