Copyright (c) 2007 Amuk Entertainment LLC http://www.raddadsworld.com Daily rules for men living the single life. 3/15/2010 7:47:15 PM 20 400 100 http://www.raddadsworld.com http://www.raddadsworld.com/images/TOTDImage.jpg Doing so will keep her off your ass to some degree. http://www.raddadsworld.com After reading about my White Russian girl and the vanishing simulated mink coat, this rule should need no further explanation; it should be obvious. If it isn't, propose to someone right away and stay married to her for the rest of your life. http://www.raddadsworld.com This is as critical as rule number one. Give your florist a list of the important dates that she expects you to remember. Have the florist automatically send flowers and a card a few days before the date. Make sure you fill out personalized, handwritten cards that go with the flowers in advance. Make out a few extras to plan for the unexpected events that pop up throughout the year. Ask him to attach your card to your gift, making it look like you stop by and write a special message to her each time you send flowers. http://www.raddadsworld.com Turning down free stuff makes no sense. It doesn't matter if you need it or not; if it's free, take it! http://www.raddadsworld.com Pretend you appreciate her buying all this good stuff and remind her how much you enjoy her cooking. Suggest a quiet evening with a pasta dish and two or three bottles of wine. Then pat her on the fanny and head for your favorite seat, flip on the big screen, and settle back for an afternoon of being waited on. Remember, men, when you plan in advance, life is good! http://www.raddadsworld.com The key here is the words "feel the need." Females get confused easily; we all know that. When your partner starts rambling on and on about things that, because of her gender, she just doesn't understand, resist the temptation to set her straight. If you say something like "Well, all you have to do is…" expect to spend some quality time in the doghouse. Remember, women talk about problems; men talk about solutions. http://www.raddadsworld.com Loan it to her and ask (with a straight face) if she enjoys romantic music. Later on you can break it to her that your favorite group is Black Sabbath. http://www.raddadsworld.com And if you feel motivated, you can kiss him too. I tried that approach with the author of the Harry Potter books. Later I explained to the judge that it was temporary insanity, and now I have a really cool restraining order with my name right next to hers! She's been a good sport about the whole misunderstanding, and as long as I stay at least 3 miles away from her, everything should be ok. http://www.raddadsworld.com In my misspent youth I once mistook a small round piece of cooked hamburger (about the size of a pea) for a piece of premium marijuana. I stuck it in a pipe, fired up my trusty Bic lighter, sucked on the pipe steam, and immediately realized I had made another mistake. You cannot smoke hamburger. If you try it, your lungs shut down for about 30 seconds. It's an absolutely horrifying situation. During the time when you cannot breathe, all the stupid things that you've done in your life, including this one, quickly pass before your eyes in very vivid colors and hues. I saw the colors, and I'm color blind! http://www.raddadsworld.com Unless you drown them in butter and smother them with cheese. http://www.raddadsworld.com